The Case of the Bogus Detective 1

My name is P.K. Pinkerton and I will soon be breakfast for a couple of grizzly bears. 

I am trapped in a mountain cave with my dying pa. I have a small fire but not much wood left to keep it going and only 1 bullet left in my Henry Rifle. 

I can hear those grizzlies a-prowling & a-growling, and I can smell them, too. I reckon I only have a few hours to record how I came to be in this sad predicament. When my fire goes out they will gobble me up. And my dying pa, too. 

You may say, ‘Why are you wasting the final hours of your life scribbling in a Ledger Book?’

Here is my reply:
If I write an account, people will know who done it and they can avenge me.

You may also say, ‘Being half Sioux, why don’t you use your Indian skills to sneak past those bears and at least save yourself?’ 

My answer is this: 
I will not abandon my dying pa. 

It all started when two strangers rode into town. I was sitting at my desk in my Detective Agency on B Street in Virginia City. I was ordering the Butterfly part of my Bug Collection. Detective business had been slow on account of a localized snowstorm. But now a strong sun was out. 

The scent of melting snow swirled in as the door of my detective office opened. 

It was my 14-yr-old partner Ping, with a bag of sugar & a coffee pot. He had filled the pot with pure water from the new filter in the Shamrock Saloon across the street. I could hear someone playing Camptown Races on a piano.

‘Road dang muddy,’ Ping said. ‘Traffic should be running again soon.’ He put the coffee pot on our new stove & the bag of sugar on one of the shelves. 

Ping does not drink coffee, but he says the smell entices people in & encourages them to linger.  

‘You want game of poker?’ he asked, as he turned the handle of the little wooden coffee grinder. ‘While we wait for clients?’

‘H-ll, yeah,’ I replied. 

I try to keep up my skill, because sometimes I help a gambler named Poker Face Jace play cards for money. Jace is my friend & mentor.

I put my Butterfly Tray on one of the shelves on the wall. When my office was a Tobacco Emporium those shelves held tins of tobacco.

Now they hold my collections, viz: my Bug Collection, my Button Collection & my Big Tobacco Collection. I also had a branch with butterflies waiting to hatch out. 

I opened a drawer in my desk and got out some strings of black licorice, some lemon drops & a pack of cards. 

I tore off a piece of the stretchy licorice and put it between my cheek and gum, like people do with chewing tobacco. 

Ping left the coffee pot on the stove to brew.  He pulled up one of the chairs where clients usually sit. The door was still ajar so you could hear boots on the boardwalk & the curses of the first riders trying out the snowy thoroughfare. 

I divided the licorice strings and lemon drops between us. Then I shuffled the deck and we played a few hands of ‘five card draw’.

Even when I get dealt bad cards I usually win because I have learned to tell when people are bluffing. Ping’s natural expression is a scowl, even when he has a good hand, but my pal Poker Face Jace says the face is the lyingest part of the body.

So I ignored Ping’s scowly face & scooted my chair back a little & kind of slouched down so I could see his feet. 

Everybody has their own ‘tell’ and Ping’s is a common one. Whenever he has a good hand his toes point up and when he has a bad one he pulls his feet back under his chair. 

If the Face is the lyingest part of the body, the Feet are the most truthful. 

I spat some black licorice juice into a spittoon. I had tried proper chaw tobacco once but it made me feel queasy so I had taken to chewing licorice to make me look older & tougher. 

Ping’s nose wrinkled and his lip curled a little. My dead foster ma Evangeline had taught me how to identify five expressions. 

No. 1 - If someone’s mouth curves up & their eyes crinkle, that is a Genuine Smile. 

No. 2 - If their mouth stretches sideways & their eyes are not crinkled, that is a Fake Smile. 

No. 3 - If a person turns down their mouth & crinkles up their nose, they are Disgusted.

No. 4 - If their eyes open real wide, they are probably surprised or scared.

No. 5 - If they make their eyes narrow, they are either mad at you or thinking or suspicious.

Ping’s face was making Expression No. 3 – Disgust. 

I felt something tickle my arm. It was my pet, Mouse, crawling on my pink flannel shirt. 

Ping’s expression No. 3 got stronger. ‘I don’t like that critter. I afraid I step on him. Make him go crunch.’

‘That would be unpleasant,’ I agreed. ‘But he is usually in his tank when I ain’t letting him perambulate on me.’

Ping shifted his gaze from Mouse to my face. His eyes were narrowed. It was no longer Expression No. 3 – Disgust. It was now Expression No. 5, which meant he was either Mad or Thinking or Suspicious. Or all three. 

‘You can stare all you like,’ I said to Ping. ‘I am inscrutable. I can neither understand nor express emotions well. It is a Thorn in my Side. But it is useful for playing poker,’ I added. ‘People can not tell if I am holding a good hand or a bad one.’

‘I am not trying to tell if you have good or bad hand,’ said Ping, his scowl deepening. 

‘Then why are you staring at me?’ I asked him. 

‘Something bogus about you.’ He tipped his head to one side. ‘I can’t think what.’  

I pressed my lips together, wondering if he had finally guessed my secret. To throw him off the track, I wiped my nose with my finger. 

Then I spat some more licorice-tinted spit to make me look more like a tough detective.

Ping scowled at me. 

I scratched my armpit & burped.

Then I farted, just for good measure.  

I was not really surprised that Ping was trying to figure out what was ‘not right’ about me. I knew dang well. What surprised me was that in nine months of us being pards, he had not realized that I ain’t a boy.

Read more...

The Case of the Bogus Detective by Caroline Lawrence is the fourth P.K. Pinkerton Mystery. You can buy the first 3 real cheap HERE. And you can read the rest of this one HERE. Or just check into this blog, where I will be posting chapters weekly! 

Long Live Tuco!

Add caption

What is the world's most highly rated Western?

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Over at IMDb, it consistently ranks as one of the top ten films among viewers top 250. And rightly so. It is a masterpiece of storytelling: funny, exciting, brutal, touching and always unexpected. It is about three men searching for two hundred thousand dollars in gold during the final years of the American Civil War.

Everybody knows that Lee Van Cleef AKA Angel Eyes AKA "the Bad" is the baddie. 

Everybody thinks that Clint Eastwood AKA Blondie AKA "the Good" is the hero.

They are wrong. 

The hero is Tuco Benedicto Pacfico Juan Mara Ramrez AKA Tuco AKA "the Ugly". He is a grubby, greasy, greedy Mexican who cares for nothing but gold. He was played masterfully by Eli Wallach, who died today at the grand old age of 98. 


I will say it again: Tuco is the Hero! Think about it. He's the first one we see and the last one we see. He has more screen time than either of the others. He is the only one with a back story. 

Apparently, Clint Eastwood was worried that Eli Wallach might steal the film. And with reason. Wallach totally steals the film. From the moment he comes crashing through the window of a saloon, a smoking revolver in one hand and a half-eaten turkey drumstick in the other, to his last final cry "You're just a son of a [wa-oo-wa-oo-wah]!" he fizzes with mischievous energy and fun. I've seen the film half a dozen times and his performance is always fresh, always funny, always endearing. 

Tuco is my favourite character in this film and in any Western. 

And Eli Wallach was the key to Tuco's lovability. 

Eli Wallach's autobiography

Wallach was a trained method actor who worked with Clark Gable, Marilyn Monroe, Peter O'Toole, Audrey Hepburn and many others. He could play any type of character, but comedy was his forte. 

Many of Tuco's best moments in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly were ad-libbed by Wallach. When Blondie gives him a cigar he eats it. When bomb is about to go off he dives into a trench head first, butt up! The way he crosses himself is hilarious. The scene of him in the bubble bath is sublime. His face expresses every selfish thought. His muddy brown eyes glow with life, humour, vulnerability. 


Ten things I love about Tuco:
1. He wears a belt AND braces.
2. He has a sense of humour.
3. He likes bubble baths.
4. He likes cigars as snacks.
5. He has a silver tooth.
6. He is man enough to carry a parasol in the desert.
7. He doesn't let life get him down.
8. He has a rich vocabulary... for cussing.
9. He wears his gun on a string around his neck.
10. He is a man of faith. Well, he IS always crossing himself.

My five fave Tuco quotes:
1. There are two kinds of spurs, my friend. Those that come in by the door, and those that come in by the window.
2. Don't die, I'll get you water. Stay there. Don't move, I'll get you water. Don't die until later.
3. Hurrah! Hurrah for the Confederacy! HURRAH! Down with General Grant! Hurrah for General... What's his name? Lee! LEE! Ha ha.
4. If I get my hand on the two hundred thousand dollars, I'll always honour your memory. I swear.
5. When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.

Thank you, Eli, for giving us so much pleasure. You are gone, but Tuco will live forever. 

Top Eleven Westerns 2003-2013

A recent article in The Atlantic (How the Western was Lost and Why it Matters) suggests that Gore Verbinski's poorly-received The Lone Ranger might be the final nail in the coffin of a dying genre, the Western.

But what is a "Western"? Can it even be encompassed by the term "genre"? Is it not bigger than that?

The American Film Institute defines a Western film as one "set in the American West that embodies the spirit, the struggle and the demise of the new frontier."

The above-mentioned article talks about the "timeless pleasures" Westerns provide: "tough guy heroes, action set pieces on horseback, adventures in magnificent landscapes, good triumphing over evil..."

For me, a Western is any movie, TV show or book which depicts an individual or small group battling to survive in some kind of frontier. Ideally, it will include two or more of the following ingredients:
a) horses
b) revolvers
c) Native Americans
d) deserts
e) outlaws

Is the Western really dying? Using the above as my criteria I have chosen my top eleven Westerns films or TV shows from the past decade, viz: 2003 - 2013. I have listed them from oldest to newest.

montage of my fave Westerns 2003-2013 by Richard Russell Lawrence

1. Firefly (TV 2002-2003)
This short-lived, much-loved Joss Whedon television show was a great example of a Western set in space, the "new frontier" in the tradition of Star Wars. It has all five of my ingredients (though Native Americans are only glimpsed in a crowd scene in episode one.) Probably the wittiest of my eleven choices. Certainly the most fun.

2. Open Range (2003)
This is the only Western on my list that involves cattle or cowboys, which are absolutely NOT necessary for a Western. Open Range was laudable in its attempts to go for realism (e.g. a horse is killed in a shootout) and for the sublime Robert Duvall, but was bleached to bones by the blazing brilliance of the Deadwood sets, costumes and characters.

3. Deadwood (TV 2004-2006) 
The best of the lot. The first few scenes of this magnificent, misguided HBO TV series made me jump to my feet and yell "THAT's what it would have been like!" Deadwood is probably responsible for the past decade's mini-revival (or death throes!) of the Western genre. It is the quintessential Western, pitting loner misfits against the wilderness, greedy men and their own fatal flaws. Why "misguided"? It could have run for years but creator Milch sank it with expletives in an attempt to make it feel authentic. This goes to show what a minefield of political incorrectness the Western genre can be. 

4. The Proposition (2005)
Here's a great example of a Western set in Australia, but it totally works. Brutal, mysterious and with Ray Winstone. What's not to like? The opening gun battle is like nothing I've seen on film before and the story has more twists and turns than The Sixth Sense.

5. Seraphim Falls (2006)
With nods to The Outlaw Josey Wales and Unforgiven, this is an overlooked gem. The action ranges across mountains and deserts and features a surreal cameo by Angelica Huston as a Snake-oil Saleswoman. I don't care if the critics panned it. I loved it.

6. No Country for Old Men (2007)
Cormac McCarthy's book faithfully transported to screen by the Coen Brothers. A "modern" Western with sagebrush dry humour and a world-view as bleak as the West Texas desert.

7. Breaking Bad (TV 2008-2013)
The best TV show of the decade, I'm calling this a Western on account of its stunning desert landscapes and (New) Mexican cartel drug lords scarier than any Comanche Indians. As with many later Westerns, the protagonists are the outlaws. Plenty of desert sunsets, shootouts and showdowns. And did I mention the New Mexico desert?

8. Meek's Cutoff (2010)
I found this film infuriating when I first saw it on account of its "lack of ending". I stomped home to look up the background history of the real pioneers it's based on. That was when I realised the genius of Kelly Reichardt's approach. The life of an American settler was in constant limbo with no knowledge of what the next day or even hour might bring. Reichardt's constrained screen aspect mimics the blinkered viewpoint of seeing the world through the tunnel of a "poke bonnet" and the muffled dialogue of the men frustratingly conveys how much women were sidelined. An encounter with a Native American is fraught with misunderstanding and confusion. Haunting, unforgettable and stripped of all romance, Meek's Cutoff is probably the most realistic "taste" of the West the way it was.

9. True Grit (2010)
No film could do justice to Charles Portis' masterpiece, but the Coen Brothers give it their best shot. My perfect True Grit would have John Wayne as Rooster with the 1969 screenplay, including its better-for-film upbeat ending (written by Portis) but with Hailee Steinfeld as Mattie and the set dressing of the 2010 version.

10. Justified (TV 2010 - still going!)
This barely squeaks by on my criteria, having very few horses, no desert and no Native Americans, but Raylan Givens – a beautiful US Marshall in cowboy boots and hat and with an itchy trigger-finger – is a fabulous Western hero. Although Elmore Leonard's story is supposed to be set in Eastern Kentucky, it's actually filmed in and around Santa Clarita, Hollywood's iconic Western backlot.

11. Rango (2011)

Not really for kids, this decidedly creepy animation is packed with references to other Westerns and popular movies. I have listed nearly two dozen on my Rango Cheat Sheet. By making the characters animals rather than ethnic groups, Gore Verbinski neatly avoids many of the "hot buttons" that weigh down The Lone Ranger... and threaten the entire Western genre.

So my thought is: No, the Western is not dying. We are certainly not in the right Zeitgeist, but if well-written and conceived, a story of men or women on the frontier with six-shooters and horses can still be hugely satisfying.

Finally, there are some great Western books being produced. A few of my recent favourites are St. Agnes Stand by Thomas Eidson, Boone's Lick by the great Larry McMurtry and Robert B. Parker's Appaloosa (much better than the film). I myself am trying to revive the genre among children with my tales of a half-Sioux, half-white 12-year-old Detective in Virginia City, Nevada Territory: The P.K. Pinkerton Mysteries. Just out is The Case of the Pistol-packing Widows.

Cowboy Fest 2011

Yee-haw! Another ripsnorting weekend at the Santa Clarita Cowboy Festival!

Even before the weekend started we took a Tour of Santa Clarita Valley film studios and sights on Thursday 28 April and on Friday evening we attended the Melody Ranch Movie Night, a fun open-air dinner on main street of a western town, followed by a screening of the film "Stagecoach".

My highlights of the weekend proper were the Behind the Scenes Tour of Melody Ranch. We found out where Al Swearengen drank his coffee, where Wu kept his pigs and lots of other fascinating facts about the history of the site.

A new event sponsored by Buckaroo Book Shop (AKA OutWest) were some literary panels. I especially loved the discussion of True Grit, comparing the two films to the book. It was chaired by C. Courtney Joyner who told us things I never knew, e.g. that Charles Portis himself wrote the alternate ending for the John Wayne version of the film!

I was there with my husband Richard and sister Jennifer. We heard some of our favorite musicans, like the Brass Band of California who are always lively, funny and accurate. (I got some tips about 1860s Music Hall traditions.) We also managed to catch Wylie and the Wild West and the Hot Club of Cowtown. I missed Sourdough Slim and his saw-playing sidekick, but Richard and Jennifer loved them.

It was great to meet re-enactors like the Buffalo Soldiers and Ann Dinsdale, (above), who was spinning and weaving on the porch next to Sheriff Bullock's house.

The merchandise was another highlight, too. I was tempted by a coyote pelt, but ended up buying a beautiful carpetbag from Jerry Tarantino. I can use it to carry my spittoon to school events and literary festivals when I promote my Western Mysteries in costume.

Food'n'drink were great, too. There's nothing like drinking coffee from a tin mug and eating peach cobbler while listening to Don Edwards over on the Main Stage.

It was great to meet some old friends and also to make new ones. I've never been anywhere as friendly and fun as the Cowboy Festival. Here Here are some pictures to give you an idea of the fun we had! Yee-haw!

Punk cowboys were in evidence!

John Hustead lassoes us!

Wild Bill Hickock got himself a Lady friend!

Scrimshaw Rick shoots, skins and makes his clothes himself!

Some people were totally authentic!

But everybody had a great time. Can't wait till 2012... Yee-haw!

Melody Ranch Movie Night 2011

Last year (2010) my faithful sidekick Richard and I had a great time at the Melody Ranch Movie Night. It's part of the Santa Clarita Cowboy Festival my husband and I are attending. This is the one weekend a year you can tread the streets of Gunsmoke and HBO's Deadwood. As we're back at the festival we signed up for this year's movie night, Friday 29 April 2011. Once again, we had a great time.

Last year we got rides to and from the shuttle pick-up point thanks to the kindness of strangers. This year, too. Show cowboy John Hustead gave us a ride there in his pickup truck and Agua Dulce residents Paul and Carrie Riley gave us a lift back. Thanks, kind strangers who are now friends!

Last year we got a thrill arriving on the streets of "Deadwood" at sunset. Same thrill this year.

Last year we met some great Western movie fans. Some in costume, some not. Among them was western reporter Mark Bedor who told us to go to White Stallion Dude Ranch in Arizona. This year we were able to tell him we had followed his advice!

Last year I bought a fancy fringed buckskin jacket made by Tribe. This year I wore it and got lots of compliments. That jacket is a great ice-breaker.

Last year we ate some delicious food: salads, fried chicken, roast pork & beans, plus coffee in a souvenir mug. Same this year: the food was excellent.

Last year we watched "High Noon" after a fascinating introduction to the film. This year we saw "Stagecoach" after hearing an original ode to John Wayne, composed and recited by Larry Maurice.

Last year we enjoyed the comments, applause and laughter of a lively crowd. Same this year. Especially some of the comments offered up.

2011's Melody Ranch Movie Night was a great night out. Just like last year. Only one small fly in the ointment: it got durned chilly sitting out there on the Main Street of Deadwood. But you pays your money and you takes your chances. Next time I'll bring something to keep me warm. Now what was the cowboy version of a hot water bottle? 

Rango Cheatsheet

Impress your friends and family by identifying these film references in the animated Western film Rango!

It starts off by breaking the 4th wall. Various characters use their forefinger to draw a square (the "fourth wall") no less than three times in the film. There are also lots of self-conscious screenwriting terms and phrases like "Every story needs a hero", "What our story needs is conflict", "It is metaphor", etc.

Here are the film references I spotted starting from the beginning:

Cat Ballou/Blazing Saddles: musicians singing story are visible to us and to the players in the film.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: when Rango is flung against a windscreen

Big Lebowski: Chameleon/rock creature sounds like Jesus Quintana ("dios mio!")

Sergio Leone's "No Name" Trilogy:
(Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More and GB&U)
Spirit of the West = The "Man with No Name" i.e. Clint Eastwood
Rattlesnake Jake = Lee van Cleef
Good, Bad and Ugly (GB&U) = bird's cry used to bleep swear word
Once Upon a Time in the West = squeaky windmill from opening sequence

Django: the gattling gun in Rattlesnake Jake's tail

Star Wars IV: visual echoes of Mos Eisley Cantina in the Saloon
ALSO the fight in canyon is like final Death Star canyon sequence

Jabba the Hut (Star Wars IV) & Buford the Barkeep (Rango)

True Grit: Rango calls little girl Priscilla "Little Sister"

Jurassic Park: dinosaur/bird uncovers someone on the toilet

Chinatown: Ned "The Mayor" Beatty mimics John Huston's villain AND
Chinatown: theme of water in desert, drowned man in desert, etc...

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance: hero is a fraud

High Noon: hero discards badge/star

Apocalypse Now: bats/helicopters fly out to Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries"

There are also references to Ghostbusters, Planet of the Apes and Deliverance. (See the comments below... and add your own!) 

Western Road Trip movies

If I were to compile a mini film festival for our recent Western road trip it would include these films:

for White Stallion Dude Ranch near Tucson, AZ:

City Slickers (1991) about tenderfeet at a Dude Ranch

City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold (1994) more of Mitch, Norman & sore bottoms

Backlash (1956) to remind us of the landscape we rode through

Tombstone (1993) filmed in and around Old Tucson Studios, which we loved!

for Sedona, AZ

Broken Arrow (1950) scenes filmed at Cathedral Rock in stunning Sedona, AZ

for Oatman, AZ

How the West was Won (1962) the quirky Oatman Museum was in this film

for Kingman, AZ

Two Lane Blacktop (1971) classic road trip movie filmed at Kingman, Arizona

for the Grand Canyon, AZ

Grand Canyon (1991) about what matters in life with a final scene at the Grand Canyon

Edge of Eternity (1958) you can still see wrecked car at Guano Point, West Rim of the canyon

Thelma and Louise (1991) another dramatic final scene at the Grand Canyon

for the Hoover Dam, AZ/NV

Viva Las Vegas (1964) this fun Elvis film has scenes at Hoover Dam as well as Las Vegas

for Las Vegas, NV

Oceans 11 (2001) a little less conversation, a little more action!

for Death Valley, CA

One Eyed Jacks (1961) Marlon Brando in Death Valley

The Law & Jake Wade (1958) so-so western with good scenes in Death Valley

Zabriskie Point (1970) wacky hippie film with scenes in Death Valley (including Zabriskie Point) 

for Yosemite, CA

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) opening scenes: Captain Kirk climbs El Capitan

(Check out my Western detective books for kids at carolinelawrence.com)

Western Mysteries!

Virginia City in 1862 is a glorified silver-mining camp on a barren mountain with a landscape like a singed cat. Seething with miners below ground and hustlers above, it’s a deadly place.

When 12-year-old half-breed P.K. "Pinky" Pinkerton arrives in Virginia City – homeless, penniless and hunted – things don’t look good. But armed with a Smith & Wesson seven-shooter and a knack for disguises, P.K. takes on gamblers, dancing girls and desperados.

Pinky’s dream is to work for the Pinkerton Detective Agency in Chicago. But there is so much crime in Virginia City that soon the town has its first detective: P.K. Pinkerton, Private Eye.

Western Mystery #1 - The Case of the Deadly Desperados 

Virginia City, Nevada Territory - September 1862:

When desperados kill the preacher and his wife in a small frontier town, their foster child P.K. is forced to go on the run. P.K. must get a valuable letter to the Recorder’s Office before anyone else can get their hands on it. It’s not easy: Virginia City is full of gamblers, hurdy girls, saloon-keepers and gunmen, all of them on the make. But there are possible allies: Sam Clemens, the new reporter for the paper; a gambler called "Poker Face Jace"; a derringer-packing Soiled Dove, and a Chinese photographer’s apprentice named Ping. Will P.K. survive and go on to solve more mysteries? H-ll, yeah! There are sequels. 

Top 3 Westerns?

Which three Western movies do you think might be the most popular among real cowboys and cowboy re-enactors? Go on. Have a guess. Then read on.

I've just spent three days at the Melody Ranch Movie Studio (where HBO's Deadwood was filmed) with my husband Richard, researching my new series of kids' history mystery books, The Western Mysteries. This is the 17th year they've held the Santa Clarita Cowboy Poetry and Music Festival and by all accounts it was bigger and better than ever. I chatted to lots of performers, re-enactors and fans and asked most of them what their favorite Western movie was.

I've already mentioned cowboy poets Yvonne Hollenbeck and Pat Richardson in my blog about Cowboy Poetry. Yvonne's favorite Western is Lonesome Dove and Pat's is High Noon. "Gary Cooper was a real cowboy," said Pat. "And they filmed a lot of that film right here on Melody Ranch."

On the last day of the festival, Sunday, Richard and I boarded the trolley at the La Quinta Inn to find a beautiful cowgirl: Miss Catherine Lane. She plays Belle Montana, heroine from dime novels of the 1880's. Her fave Western is The Good, the Bad & the Ugly. YES! That's mine, too.

On the trolley was also a passel of desperados from Tombstone. They are Law Dogs 'N Ladies, a tribute to the movie Tombstone. You'd think they all place Tombstone top but no. Susan plays Calamity Jane. Her fave Western is Quigley Down Under. Tim Fowler is Ike Clanton and his fave Western is Tombstone. Their son Kirk likes Lonesome Dove.

Other fans on the trolley voted: One for Lonesome Dove and one for High Noon.

When we got to Main Street I wandered over to a blacksmith who was personalizing horseshoes. I figured I'd better get one inscribed with the name of the hero from my new series, but blacksmith Wishbone Smith said "P.K. Pinkerton" was too long. While he was hammering out "P.K." on a pony-sized horse shoe, I asked him what his fave Western was. "Lonesome Dove," he replied without hesitation, and proceded to quote Robert Duvall's character Gus. His son's fave Western was Tombstone. I was beginning to detect a pattern here.

David Rainwater the fiddler couldn't choose between Tombstone or High Noon. Lasso expert Dave Thornbury's top flick is Tom Horn and black-clad, bullwhip wielding Doc Durden from Virginia City's is... you guessed it: Tombstone.

There was some great music at the festival: a Civil War Brass Band, Indian flutes, some great rock/blues and of course tons of Western music. Richard and I loved it all. I met Rich Hillworth waiting to hear Celtic Cowboys outside the California Stage on Main Street. He lives near Lancaster and used to drive mule trains across the desert. His fave Western is Lonesome Dove. David Matuszak was selling the "Bible of Western films", A Cowboy's Trail Guide to Westerns, but he loses points by saying Richard's fave Western, Little Big Man it wasn't a Western! David's fave Western is Red River. A fabulously dressed couple named Todd and Holly loved The Big Country and Tombstone, respectively.

Everybody was telling us to get the peach cobbler and bottomless coffee made by the Chuckwagon guys so we got a bowl to share and bought the tin mugs you can refill all day. The cobbler was yummy but the coffee had grounds at the bottom. Now I know why those cowboys in the Westerns always toss the last bit into the sagebrush. We sat at a table with Carol and Dave, who told us about Cowboy Church! It was held that morning at 8.00 and they had some good ol' gospel cowboy worship. Too bad we missed it. They also meet the first Friday of every month at their pastor's ranch in Agua Dulce near the amazing Vasquez Rocks. Carol's fave Western is Tombstone and his is (the newer) 3.10 to Yuma.

By now I was pretty sure of the winner. On our way down Main Street the last time I did a double take. Was that Robert Duvall? Nope. It was Gus Curry. His fave Western? Lonesome Dove of course. He posed for me with the tastefully attired Mary Culver, who loves High Noon. Despite her vote, I think Lonesome Dove was definitely the top Western, followed very closely by Tombstone. High Noon came in a respectable third, according to my very unofficial and random poll.

So here is the answer to the question I posed:

Top Western?
1. Lonesome Dove
2. Tombstone
3. High Noon

The Santa Clarita Cowboy Poetry and Music Festival was fabulous and we will be coming back next year, hopefully with lots of copies of the first book in my new series, The Case of the Deadly Desperados!

P.S. I forgot to put up a picture of a delicious couple of other Tombstone re-enactors, bad boy Nathan and hurdy girl Colleen. Nathan wears dark blue glasses with a tiny mirror in one corner so he can see who's sneaking up behind him! (I didn't mention to Nathan that buffalo soldier Victor Williams told me blue sunglasses were worn by those suffering from V.D.) No prizes for guessing Nathan and Colleen's fave Western... But Lonesome Dove still moseys in at the top place.

(Find out about my Western detective stories for kids at carolinelawrence.com)